


it's hard to keep the rainclouds out when the windows never close

by ryozumi



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Introspection, M/M, Spoilers for Scarlet Mirror Event, spoilers for act 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:55:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25105048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryozumi/pseuds/ryozumi
Summary: What unsettles him more than the revelation itself—what exactly has him outside in the middle of the night, thinking himself in circles in a world so steeped in the heat of his own personal hell even the summer cicadas have abandoned it—is the apparent ease with which Chikage’s done it. Like it was only natural for Hisoka to become a person with a meaningful existence outside of the context of a mission, with a home and a family and a permanence.
Relationships: Mikage Hisoka/Utsuki Chikage
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	it's hard to keep the rainclouds out when the windows never close

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kusemono (Glitchgoat)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glitchgoat/gifts).



There comes a time in Chikage’s day to day life in Mankai Company where he finds himself referring to Hisoka as _Hisoka_ more often than as _December_ . He can’t quite remember when one name came to mind faster than the other; in retrospect, the change was only inevitable after how many times he told the director to do just that—to look at Hisoka and see _Hisoka_.

But what unsettles him more than the revelation itself—what exactly has him outside in the middle of the night, thinking himself in circles in a world so steeped in the heat of his own personal hell even the summer cicadas have abandoned it—is the apparent ease with which Chikage’s done it. Like it was only natural for Hisoka to become a person with a meaningful existence outside of the context of a mission, with a home and a family and a permanence.

Izumi’s words have haunted him ever since she said them. _Utsuki Chikage, the actor_. Chikage wonders if that’s who he is. Maybe Chikage himself has also become an existence that won’t vanish when the moonlight fades away.

A deeper part of Chikage—a really, _really_ deep part, deeper even than the place he keeps whatever remains of his soul—laments such a thing, because becoming a part of this family feels a little like leaving August behind.

...But that’s exactly what August planned for him eventually, isn’t it?

Chikage taps a nail against the ring on his finger, toying with it idly. Shadows grow long in the dimly lit dorm courtyard, dragging Chikage’s idle thoughts out with them and leaving him unable to zone out entirely.

Hisoka walks up to him after most of the lights in the dorm rooms go out, emerging from the darkness of the hallways like a ghost given corporeal form, his appearance disturbing Chikage’s peace of mind more than it does their surroundings. His movement is so smooth the sheer grace of it appears more instinctual than practiced; the bag of marshmallows clutched to his chest hardly even crinkles as the already short man folds himself smaller yet onto the bench beside Chikage, far too short a distance away.

Silence settles over the courtyard again. They steep in it for a few moments, not quite comfortable yet not awkward either. Familiar. The kind of silence only gained through spending years in the other person’s presence. 

Hisoka props the bag up against his knees in the perfect position (the one requiring the least amount of effort to get a marshmallow from the bag to his mouth) before he melts boneless into the bench. Only then does he offer a greeting through a mouthful of sugar, almost like an afterthought.

“Chikage.”

From how sleepy he sounds, it’s a miracle he managed to get this far from wherever he last slept; Chikage recalls far too many a time when August would have to—

….

Chikage stops twisting the ring around his finger. He wonders briefly if Hisoka’s still in possession of his own, where he keeps it if he is.

While he has no intention of making actual conversation with Hisoka, the other man’s name falls from his lips as soon as he thinks it, in the exact uncomfortably easy way that’s been plaguing him for hours on end.

Though he knows Hisoka will be able to tell the moment he does so, Chikage glances over at him.

His pale hair, lighter under the moonlight, shields both of his eyes from Chikage’s view. The movement of his jaw is the only indication he’s still conscious in between the times his lithe fingers pull a marshmallow out and bring it to his mouth again.

...But Hisoka doesn’t munch on the next one immediately as usual; instead he holds it directly in front of his face as though judging it and eventually, after a hefty sigh like he’s just made a decision under the weight of the world, Hisoka holds it out to Chikage.

It’s pink. It reeks of sugar. Chikage makes no effort to hide his grimace.

Without any regard for Chikage’s obviously disgusted reaction, Hisoka stretches his arm out until his palm hovers over Chikage’s lap—

“Waste it and I’ll kill you.”

And he drops it.

Chikage easily catches it before it hits his pants and promptly attempts to rid himself of it— _attempts_ _to_ being the keywords here as Hisoka’s hand snakes out and grabs Chikage’s wrist in a viselike grip, anticipating the action and no doubt intending to follow through with his threat. While they both know Chikage’s strength outmatches Hisoka’s, they’re also aware that even so, Chikage’s never actually managed to beat Hisoka in an honest to god fight.

Their hands remain interlocked in a stalemate, neither one willing to yield to the other until Chikage meets one of Hisoka’s eyes. There’s a glint to it, but whether it’s a warning or maybe a hint of something like a smile, Chikage’s unable to discern.

Irritated, he brute forces his arm out of the grip, marshmallow and all, prepared to chuck it into the ether—or so he thinks, but as soon as he raises his arm and opens up his posture, a head of pale hair lands in his lap.

Hisoka stares up at him, deadpan as he munches on yet another marshmallow. The one clutched in Chikage’s hand may as well be a handful of sticky goop for how violently he squeezes it.

Chikage lowers his arms, lifts one knee and lets it fall, resulting in a sharp, uncomfortable drop for Hisoka’s head and an irritated grumble. Yet he doesn’t move; his eye is somehow already closed.

“Oi. Get off.”

No response. Chikage seethes internally as Hisoka pops another marshmallow into his mouth. The other man’s body heat seeps into him quickly; if he doesn’t move now Hisoka will definitely be asleep in seconds. 

“Move. I don’t want to be stuck here all night.” Another half-hearted grumble. “I’ll kick you off.”

“I’ll drag you down with me.”

“Your marshmallows will spill.”

“I’ll protect them.”

“Sure you will.” Chikage smiles.

Hisoka gradually reopens one eye, an obvious frown on his lips. “...You’re a terrible pillow.”

“Then _get off_.”

“No. I want to sleep here.”

“Don’t be so selfish.” Another knee drop.

Hisoka’s pout grows more pronounced. “You’re the selfish one. Everyone else lets me. Even August used to. He wasn't a good pillow either, but at least he could be quiet.”

The smirk fades as Chikage clicks his tongue. Rather than respond, he opens his sticky palm and holds it flat against Hisoka’s mouth. Too easily, Hisoka’s mouth opens; the marshmallow’s remains drop into it and his tongue lazily cleans the remaining sugar off of Chikage’s hand.

“You didn’t bite. How shocking.”

Hisoka shrugs half-heartedly as Chikage draws his hand away, tongue poking out and running over his bottom lip. “I’ve licked worse off your hand.”

Chikage clicks his tongue, but he doesn’t attempt to kick Hisoka off this time. Feeling the fight drain out of him as he drops his hands, he curves his back against the bench until it’s almost uncomfortable and stares skyward at the moon once more. 

Nothing about the stars is particularly captivating, but if he unfocuses his eyes as he drops his hand, he can almost imagine that the warmth on his lap belongs to someone else.

As Hisoka’s breathing eventually evens out, his thoughts begin to wander again. The night he and Hisoka finally dealt with July, they’d confronted him and returned home alive together. Until then, he’d still been clinging to the ideal of revenge with a stubbornness that froze him in time.

August gave them names that meant _something_. But the ones to give those names meaning as _people_...

Chikage glances down to where Hisoka sleeps on his lap, scanning his face for any kind of indication that he might be pretending and wake up at the slightest movement. Not finding any, Chikage slowly lifts his hand and places it back on Hisoka’s hair, repeating the motion over and over, again and again.

Whether he’s ever able to live as _Utsuki Chikage the actor_ or not...maybe now he can at least allow the warmth around him in, starting with the warmth beneath his hand.

**Author's Note:**

> happy birthday to my bf!! follow him on twitter [here](https://twitter.com/glitchgoats/) (ｰ̀ωｰ́๑)
> 
> if you enjoyed it you can also follow me on twitter [here](https://twitter.com/chikageyuki/)!


End file.
